Not Even Shallow

Suffering and the Retarded

2011-12-30T05:35:00.001Z

I've been going through Stanley Hauerwas Reader and am almost done with it. In an attempt to resuscitate this blog that has been dead for a while, I'll post a series of my engagement with the text.

---
I do this all the time. In fact, I'm a professional at it, for I make a living by carefully crafting a reputation. Igf my reputation has holes, it's because I have thought about how others might interpret those holes. They're calculated and shaped. They're never too big, and hopefully never out of my control.

In an article about suffering, Hauerwas rebukes me. He says I need to learn from the retarded, those who constantly need help. He says that the reason why we're so uncomfortable with the retarded is because they are sacramental reminder of who we are - people who are not self-sufficient, self-possessed, those who are needy. He puts it this way: "We especially fear, if not dislike, those whose suffering is the kind for which we can do nothing. The retarded... are particularly troubling for us. Even if they do not suffer by being retarded, they are certainly people in need. Even worse, they do not try to hide their needs. They are not self-sufficient, they are not self-possessed, they are in need. Even more, they do not evidence the proper shame for being so. They simply assume that they are what they are and they need to provide no justification for being such. It is almost as if they have been given a natural grace to be free from the regret most of us feel for our neediness" (572).

The Trinitarian God is love, and love is the trinity. Even God reveals God's very self as one who lives in a community, one whose existence is contingent upon relationships with others. What must our churches do in order for us to grow into communities where being in need of one another's help is the norm?

--
Article #28, 'Should Suffering Be Eliminated?' is not one of Stanley's best, but here are some fodders for thoughts:

"More important is the question of what kind of people we ought to be so that certain forms of suffering are not denied but accepted as part and parcel of our existence as moral agents" (564).
"Our neediness represents a fundamental flaw in our identity, a basic inability to rest securely with those things which are one's own and which lie inside the line between oneself and the rest of reality.... The irony is, however, that our neediness is also the source of our greatest strength, for our need requires the cooperation and love of others derives our ability not only to live but to flourish... Prophetlike, the retarded only remind us of the insecurity hidden in our false sense of self-possession." (566).
"Too often the suffering we wish to spare them is the result of our unwillingness to change our lives so that those disabled might have a better life. Or, even more troubling, we refrain from life-giving care simply because we do not like to have those who are different from us to care for" (569).
"By its very nature suffering alienates us not only from one another but from ourselves, especially suffering that we undergo, that is not easily integrated into our ongoing projects or hopes. To suffer is to have our identity threatened physically, psychologically, and morally. Thus our suffering even makes us unsure of who we are" (572).
"By learning not to fear the other's retardation, they learn not to fear their own neediness" (573).

John Stott's Bed

2011-07-28T15:04:00.003+01:00

I first met John Stott personally in his study in February 2006. I had seen him a couple of times before during my time at Wheaton College, but this time his last study assistant Chris Jones arranged for a few of us from Yale Divinity School to meet with him during our class trip. I remember walking through his bedroom to reach his study on the top floor. The simplicity of the room struck me. There wasn't any frivolous adornment. I can't think of anything that looked new, and everything in the room seemed like it came from the 80s at best.

And to divulge a little secret, in my excitement I plunged onto his bed. I wanted to see what John Stott's bed felt like! (I'm blushing a bit.) There was a surprise there. The mattress was so old, that it was curved in. The springs in the middle of the mattress had collapsed over many years of use. As I proceeded to go up to his study I wondered loudly in my mind how it could be that John Stott, one of Time magazine's 2005 100 most influential people, could sleep on a mattress that was falling apart.

Then I got to know him better, and it made perfect sense. He once wrote this about simple living: "Simplicity is the first cousin of contentment. Its motto is, 'We brought nothing into this world, and we can certainly carry nothing out.' It recognizes that we are pilgrims. It concentrates on what we need, and measures this by what we use. It rejoices in the good things of creation, but hates waste and greed and clutter. It knows how easily the seed of the Word is smothered by the 'cares and riches of this life.' It wants to be free of distraction, in order to love and serve God and others."

People around the world, evangelicals and non-evangelicals alike, will remember uncle John for many things. I will remember him as a person who lived to de-clutter his life from the richness of this world to enrich lives of many with His great name.

Thank you for your teaching, but also for the example of your life uncle John.

'hunt' for human beings

2011-05-03T12:25:00.009+01:00

just a second ago i logged onto nytimes.com to see what's in the front page. i saw this:

at the bottom right is the subscript, 'the killing raises new doubts about the us efforts to turn pakistan into a trustworthy partner in hunting terrorists.'

hunting terrorists.

many people believe that language is used merely to describe the reality that lies behind it. this is true to a large extent. words like 'green', 'blue', 'desks' or 'lamps'... are assigned to the things we recognize without the use of those terms. but that's a primitive use of language. language also performs and creates. language is not merely 'used' to describe reality, but it is the medium through which we experience and create the reality around us. differences in language allow us to experience the reality differently.

for example, i have noticed that korean is well suited for telling stories. it's full of color and sound. in a way, it's an imprecise language used by a people who love to tell stories. koreans are like that too. we experience the world through stories! on the other hand, a little bit of german i know tells me that it is a very precise language full of grammar. germans are inclined to invent new words by combining a few to create a very precise meaning. it's no wonder germans are known for their philsophizing and theologizing. their reality is full of sharp, penetrating logic.

'hunting terrorists.' i'm not sure if nytimes is using these words in a precise or an imprecise way. i hope it's the latter, for no man who bears the image of god should be hunted.

the world has been celebrating the death of a terrorist after being 'hunted' for many years. there is a modicum of justice done in killing bin laden (though i know not why we christians who believe in the final judgment thought it such a priority). i just want to make sure that we understand that he was killed, not hunted. this isn't semantics. it's a difference of how we look at people whom god created.

2011-04-15T10:38:00.002+01:00

while preparing a short homily for the maundy thursday service, i ran into this quote: dale bruner calls these chapters “the church’s passion,” because “the suffering, death, resurrection, and sole universal lordship of jesus are what the church has always suffered most for preaching and yet has been most ‘passionate’ to preach.”

indeed let's preach the gospel passionately even if that means sharing in christ-like passion. but first, let's meditate on this great god this coming holy week.

Glee and Identity

2011-04-04T20:47:00.003+01:00

glee is a popular tv series that's caught people's attention across the pond, and i watched a couple of episodes of it. i liked the choice of songs and the light story line, but there was something that bothered me. for a while, i couldn't put my finger to it, but i think i have it now. the show pitches to a wide range of people and there's a character for everyone. there's a jock, cheerleader, nerd, handicapped, asian, black, fat, skinny, smart, dumb, gay...etc. characterisation lacks depth and that makes the show shallow and trite. i wasn't expect shakespeare from fox tv, so that wasn't it. there was one character in particular who bothered me. it was kurt, the gay character.

it was the way that the show portrayed him. kurt is gay through and through. he talks like a gay person, walks dresses like a gay person, looks like a gay person, and does everything that a stereotypical gay person does. therefore the character is uninteresting and annoying but what i found offensive was the fact that his being gay defined him.

one of the things that my postmodern education/culture has taught me is the fact that we are many things at once. i'm a korean, american, minister, son, friend, american football aficionado...etc. i recently enjoyed reading demetri martin's musings about the multiplicity of identities on the new yorker. our culture wants us to move away from binary oppositions and celebrate the fluidity of identities. that's precisely how 'gayness' has entered into our living rooms. the culture has made a third alternative to the male/female binary. we are no longer simply men, women, but also gay! but the show absurdly pushes gayness (and therefore sexuality) as the defining identity for kurt and has self-defeated its own agenda. there was now either gay or straight, not a spectrum of identities. his being gay became the identity for kurt that affected every aspect of his being.

but this search for a core self is designed and the journey graced. when i entered college long ago, i struggled with my ethnic identity. i wanted figure out whether i was korean or american. by god's grace i saw that my search itself was idolatrous. god's grace allowed me to understand that before i was anything else, i was a christian. 'i have been crucified by christ and i no longer live, but christ lives in me' (gal 2:20a). making any other identity central would be adulterous. i saw that my being korean, american, son, friend, student, teacher...etc. were all secondary. i also saw that christ allowed me to be a better korean, american, son, friend, student and teacher. i could celebrate multiplicity of my identities when i'm rooted in jesus christ.

whatever defines the core of our identities, whether good or sinful, will be found wanting. whether gay, straight, korean or british, we will all have to look to the cross to receive our new identity. only that one will satisfy. we will then be set free from others that seek to define us and praise him not only as a christian, but also as many other god-given identities he generously gives.

26-27

2011-03-31T22:22:00.004+01:00

this is from about a year worth of my xanga blog posts. it looks like god sustained it all!

are the amish right?

2011-03-29T20:58:00.002+01:00

i can't find my copy of karl rahner's foundations christian faith, but i remember being shocked by his description of original sin. if i recall correctly (and i would very much welcome correction on this), he moves away from the traditional view and puts forth a social/political description. original sin is more or less the condition into which human beings are born that make one unable to avoid sin, not one's inability to move toward god. the world's fallen structures makes committing sin unavoidable. we actively or passively have to participate in sinful activities.

for example, i bought a small bunch of bananas today for forty pences. forty pences! a bunch that probably traveled hundreds if not thousands of miles across the globe, that is grown out of season, with care of the farmers, sucked nutrients out of the ground, picked, packaged and delivered... costs forty p. if i learned anything in my two years in honduras, it was that many banana farmers are exploited and capitalism has forced many into modern form of slavery.

how sinful is capitalism? and are we blindly participating in it? people have blamed bankers' greed as the cause of recent problems, but bankers invest with other people's money. sure it's true that bankers seem to have abandoned their role as service providers that moves money from one place to another fostering entrepreneurship. more than putting money in the right places, modern banks are busy trying to invent ways to make money for themselves. greed drives the industry. but the problem isn't just with the bankers. it's the whole capitalist system. globalisation has contributed to it. we're part of it. we cannot buy bananas without participating in the sinful structure that exploits defenseless farmers in honduras.

are the amish right? is this world too sinful too sinful for us to live in? is the only alternative an escape into the church, where the church is the society, where christ reign not just over the believer's heart but the structures that govern the economic/social/political systems of the community? i'm not talking about amish communities in practice, for amish have depraved hearts too, but the ideal to which they strive. should we all meet in pennsylvania and figure out how to live under the authority of christ? or maybe in smaller scale, should we form a little commune?

if complete removal is not possible, then how much participation is acceptable? can one be an investment banker in today's society? how about an accountant? how about a corporate executive? how about a bank teller? how about a cashier at sainsbury's? how much participation is acceptable?

if christ is the decipher through which christians live in the world, the church has to be the key. we are the body of christ! in hauerwas/yoder's language, the church has to instill christians' identity as resident aliens. people who live here in this world, but who don't belong in it; people whose citizenship and master are not of this world. what is required is not withdrawal but a sense of selective service and the ability for the church to set purpose, values and priorities. in order for bankers to know how much to participate in the society, the church needs to dethrone mammon and put jesus in his proper place in the world. actually, mammon has already ben dethroned. it's the proclamation that's necessary. the church needs to make sure people know what has already been done - that jesus christ is king already in this world whether people believe it or not, and that the kingdom come has already in large sense has arrived in the world, that it will fully arrive imminently. further, it's faith that sees the reality clearly that's required. the christian has to believe this and live in world, because otherwise she will despair.

faith in christ's kingship will help us not only to live differently in the world, but deliver us from the despair that overwhelm us when we look at it. the world's powers have been dethroned. and christ is the king over this world.

Memoirs of an Ordinary Pastor

2010-08-14T11:38:00.000+01:00

Just finished this book by Don Carson.

Carson, I think, wrote this book for two reasons. He wanted to pay a tribute to his father, a person whom he admired throughout his life. But the biggest reason he wrote this book is to encourage 'ordinary pastors'. He tells us in the first page that most of us are ordinary pastors. "Most of us... serve in more modest patches. Most pastors will not regularly preach to thousands, let alone tens of thousands. They will not write influential books, they will not supervise large staffs, and they will never see more than modest growth. They will plug away at their care for the aged, at their visitation, at their counseling, at their Bible studies and preaching. Some will work with so little support that they will prepare their own bulletins...."

It's true. I still haven't experienced most of this myself, but I grew up watching my father. His congregation has been a little over a hundred in his heydays, but mostly hovered around forty. He supervises himself and time to time the work of my mother. As there aren't a lot of people to teach, he plugs away caring for the senior members of the church and doing other things that require hands-on work at the church. He and my mother prepare the bulletin every week. I was intrigued by Carson's intro and I plunged myself into the pages.

The title belied the truth, however, and I soon found Tom Carson extraordinary. He was exceptional in so many ways. His commitment to reading and applying the Bible, his integrity, relentless pursuit of holiness and discipline, his sense of accountability to his church, but more importantly to God, his lavish love for his wife and children and much more made him extraordinary.

In thinking about this, it dawned on me. A person's life perhaps is better measured by the little things. In so many ways it's easy to get the big things right. We put the time and energy towards the big things and rise to the challenge. Big papers, big sermons, big conferences.... But that's not where life is lived. Most of our lives are spent at home, doing the little tasks like emailing, praying, reading, visiting, counseling, writing, providing hospitality, and loving our family. Tom Carson lived faithfully in the little things, and that seemed extraordinary to me.

passages from the book i thought worth keeping in mind:

'Most people to through life afraid that people will not think enough of them; Paul [and Tom] went through life afraid that people would think too much of him (2 Cor 12:5-6).'

'We cannot remember a single occasion when Dad said anything derogatory about Mum. By and large they pulled together.'

'One young woman who was an attache at one of the African embassies.. had been in a comatose or semi-comatose state, unable to communicate. She said that... "Mr Carson had come in every day, sat with her, read Scripture to her and prayed with her".'

'When he died, there were no crowds outside the hospital, no editorial comments in the papers, no announcements on television, no mention in Parliament, no attention paid by the nation. In his hospital room there was no one by his bedside. There was only the quiet hiss of oxygen, vainly venting because he had stopped breathing and would never need it again. // But on the other side all the trumpets sounded. Dad won entrance to the only throne room that matters, not because he was a good man or a great man - he was, after all, a most ordinary pastor - but because he was a forgiven man. And he heard the voice of him whom he longed to hear saying, 'Well done, good and faithful servant; enter into the joy of your Lord.'

A Mother's Surrender

2010-08-11T17:07:00.001+01:00

My mom just called and we talked for a bit.

She said she has been talking with my father about surrendering. There are parts of our lives that we do not want to give over to God for various reasons. There are things that we have been dreaming about since we were three, goals in life that seem precious to us.

My mother said she flipped through every page of her mind and saw the things that she had pictured with her heart - things she has desired for a long time. One by one, she surrendered every single image saying, 'I give this to you.'

Then she let out a little nervous laughter. She told me that she wasn't sure if she should tell me what she gave up next.

'When you say I want to go and be a missionary somewhere', she continued, 'my heart always sinks. I gave this up. You can go anywhere God calls you to go.'

But that wasn't the height of her surrender. She sighed then proceeded, 'The most important thing is to obey Jesus. And I have come to believe that it would be okay for me even if you remained single.'

I knew, then, that she has indeed surrendered everything for Jesus.

From an Experienced Pastor to a Young One Starting

2010-08-10T17:21:00.000+01:00

David Hansen, in The Art of Pastoring: Ministry Without All the Answers

-- (These are the lessons he learned...)

1. Reading biblical studies, theology, and church history is more 'practical' and helpful in the ministry than the mountain of 'how-to' books on the market, since our primary need is for a greater sense of who we are and why we act, not more skills….

- I resolve to study more.

2. Ministry is a way of life.

- I will not treat my job as a job, but as a way of life. I will not be 'off duty' and do things that dishonor my job and therefore my God.

3. Those called to minister serve the church, but they do not work for the church. Instead, Jesus is their boss….

- I will live and work for him and for him alone.

4. Ministry is not to be employer-driven, trend-driven, or task-driven, but is a following of Jesus Christ as the one who calls his pastors, so that the act of following Jesus is the act of pastoral ministry.

- Effectiveness will not be the goal of my ministry. I will not work hard to grow the ministry or the church. I will pastor my (future) church in a way that has obedience and discipleship as goals rather than growth in numbers.

5. The Jesus whom we follow has a 'general narrative direction' in his life, namely, the way of the cross.

- I will brace myself for suffering and hardship. If by God's mercy He leads me to greener pastures, I will praise God.

How Should My Youth Be Spent?

2010-08-08T22:19:00.000+01:00

i am 30 years old. and i still feel young. what is the next step of my life?

i have been getting conflicting advice from friends. some tell me to study as much as i can now when i am young. they say that minds get rusty; the cogs don't turn as fast when we grow older; crying babies and various stuff of life get in the way of straining through old books. with sincere hearts, these want me to pursue a phd. the projection they give in tandem with these advice are the mysterious doors that would appear and open before me, if i spend the next 3-5 years of my life exacerbating my eye sight in dim lit libraries. they're not sure to where these doors will lead, but they seem certain that the other side of the door will be sunny.

there are detractors of this vision as well. these tell me that i should devote my youth to ministry. curiously the reason given is exactly the same as the people of the first kind. they believe there are things only wrinkle-less ministers can do. ministry is tough. i should devote my youth to it. studying and writing can be done even with white hair.

friends, i seek your advice. i'm genuinely torn. recently i have been reading and writing more. i enjoy it. there is a wee sense of excitement that stirs when i read sentences like, 'when preaching focuses on human experience, christology becomes subservient to soteriology since a general anthropology sets up the soteriological problem for which christology becomes the solution.' it's exciting to read language that's working overtime to express the truth.

on the other hand, i would love a different sort of challenge. indeed it almost feels like my calling (!). i wouldn't mid taking a struggling church, praying, no, crying out to god every day, studying, teaching, preaching, counseling, encouraging, rebuking, vision-setting, and generally working my butt off to grow the community to which i'm called (if i am called!). i have always grown up in small, struggling churches. and i sometimes feel that such places are where i'm called.

i want to live for god and god alone. i want to do things that i can only do in my youth for god. what do you i should do?

ps. i don't mean to privilege youth over age. nonetheless, just as there are things that can only be done by octogenarians, there must be things that can only be done by those with fresh arms and legs, no?

health care passes!

2010-03-24T12:15:00.000Z

I don't have a lot of time, but I wanted to say something about the healthcare bill that just passed. As most of you know, it will extend insurance coverage to about 32 million people, and the cost will be covered mostly by taxing the wealthy - those who make over $250,000. For this, Obama has been called a socialist (which is really so far from reality. Denmark's tax rate is about 70% - SEVENTY PERCENT! - and America's rate comes no where near.)

It is true that Obama wants to reverse the trend that has been set by Reagan in the 80s that has made America what it is today. Reagan policy's strength is playing up the American dream. If one works hard enough, one can be rich and the government will not take away the hard-earned money. There is something to be said about this, and I suspect this is the reason why so many Americans protest against this bill. Although most are nowhere near the $250,000 mark, they want to dream. They want to work hard and make that much money and keep most of it for themselves. The lure of dreams is tantalizing, and even though for most it will remain a dream for all their lives. They still want to dream on.

I wish more Americans will see that that his healthcare bill is really great for them, because they don't make that much money, and if they are honest, they probably won't. It will benefit them now, and most likely for the rest of their lives. And if perchance they do make $1 million a year, will it hurt them to be taxed $46 thousand dollars more?

But man, dreams are powerful...

2009-09-09T14:39:00.001+01:00

"Each one of here today will at one time in our lives look upon a loved one who is in need and ask the same question: We are willing help, Lord, but what, if anything, is needed? For it is true we can seldom help those closest to us. Either we don't know what part of ourselves to give or, more often than not, the part we have to give is not wanted. And so it those we live with and should know who elude us. But we can still love them - we can love completely without complete understanding." Rev. MacLean in the River Runs Through It.

Love comes with the deep longing to help the beloved, but that's where the frustration lies as well. We want to help. We look to the beloved, hoping for illumination. so we could help. but often we find ourselves gazing at the stoic face of frustration. we look to the heavens offering ourselves, but no answers come. we give ourselves sacrificially, but are turned back wounded. that part was not wanted.

but that does not mean that we cannot love. we can. we can love completely. we just need to be ready for the deep wounds that might accompany it.

leadership

2009-09-02T09:31:00.000+01:00

the leadership paradigm has been changing. in the modern age, people expected leaders to be flawless. they were to be upright in their thoughts and actions. standing in the front, they showed others how one should live. people often put them on special pedestals, lifting them up and setting them apart from the general population. they were 'leaders', people who lived extraordinarily.

it seems to me that people no longer want that. in this postmodern age, 'perfection' is seen as fakery. no one is deemed perfect, and no one expects others to be perfect, including leaders. one by one, people who were believed to be perfect have shown flaws in their characters. mother teresa struggled with her faith, theologians and pastors are found to have been adulters, the church was shown to be imperfect... the entire world was shown to be broken and in need of healing.

in this milieu, people no longer believe leaders could embody perfection. people even want leaders to be flawed, for they cannot relate to perfection. they desire vulnerability from leaders, and revelation of their past/present struggles no longers shocks people.

perhaps because i am so flawed, i have embraced the second model of leadership. rather than showing perfection, they point to perfection by struggling to attain it. i was very pleased when i heard this said about me from one of the students: 'heewoo is like us, but he's like more than us.' i was honored to be compared with the student and his friends. i was happy that he could relate to me. but i aslo rejoiced that i could hint at a life that was greater than my own.

if you know me well, you know my faults, and how deep they go. i am not proud of them. i am in fact deeply ashamed of my flaws. but i will continue to lead, knowing that the confidence of the gospel ministry comes ultimately from the life, death and the resurrection of jesus christ. i hope my imperfections will point people away from me to the perfection of christ.

having said all this, please pray that there will be less sin in my life, for the devil seeks to use them for his advantage.

forgiveness

2009-08-31T23:24:00.000+01:00

forgiveness is a funny thing. you ask for it, and the victim might give it to you. but his will to forgive cannot undo the past. the past is forever stained. forgiveness cannot cover it, for 'forgiveness' betrays the wrong that has already been done. sin lies beneath it.

forgiveness is difficult and costly. but pure and blameless life is even more. with all of our might, we must strive to live rightly.

2009-08-20T21:22:00.000+01:00

two weeks ago, i opened my sermon with this cartoon. (the sermon, by the way, was a bit of a disappointment. i came away thinking about so many ways it could have gone better... oh well, we live and learn.) one of the reasons i love the above cartoon is because calvin seems to struggle with what i struggle with.

but calvin also describes for me how i often feel - i am at the center of the universe. i want god to listen to me. i want god to address my problems and worries. on some level, i realize this is absurd, for i understand that i am, as calvin says, 'a dust speck.' why should god care? why should god listen to my problems? yet i continue to demand that god pay attention to my worries and concerns!

most often, christians respond by pointing to the incomprehensibility of divine love, god's amazing love that cares even for our little problems. and this is true. god does care. god is amazing that way. so we make our problems and concerns central to our relationship with god. preachers do this all the time! many will start their sermon with problems we might be facing. they might be our need for guidance, guilt stricken conscience, or the financial crunch. preachers will frame their sermons around these issues and see what the bible has to say about them.

even if you are not a preacher, you probably do something similar. you wake up in the morning and open up your bible. you might have a looming issue in your mind and pray that god would address the problem through your reading of the scripture. when you find a verse that is relevant to your problem, you might rejoice and praise god for answering your prayer. if you don't find a verse that guides you, you might silently wonder whether you were holy enough to hear god's voice.

but god nor the bible functions like that. the bible is not that kind of book! it is a book that absorbs you into its stories and prose, not the other way around. the bible doesn't 'go down' to your problems. the bible doesn't deal with whether you should take this job or another, whether you should marry bob or jim... it is about god, who you are in front of god, and the world in view of god. it absorbs you into it. its ultimate concern is jesus christ, who god is, not our problems.

and really, do we even really know what our problems are? so many people think not having enough money is a problem. the bible is clear that having too much, not too little, money is where the danger lies. we want to be significant and we work so hard to get there. god says in order for us to be significant, we must work dilligently in being last. we think that our problem is not having found the right spouse. god says our problems is that we are perpetually looking for something only he could satisfy.

we have made god himself subservient to our problems. our problems have priority over who god is. but god says that we don't even know what our problems are until we know who god is.

so perhaps we should pray less about our problems, but pray the biblical prayers. pray that the eyes of our hearts may be enlightened in order that we may know the hope to which he has called us.... pray that we being established in love may have power together with all the saints to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of christ... filled to the measure of all the fullness of god....

perhaps we should read the bible, not looking for solutions to our problems, but seeking to find out more about who god is, how the world is and who we are in front of god.

maybe we should listen to the sermon not for answers to our questions, but to discover what our questions should be.

perhaps we will then know how to live our daily lives according to god's will a bit better.